-- i ....... 2004-12-17 : 11:48 p.m. Now I see what it is like to be nothing. To wake up and feel nothing. To see, hear, smell... nothing. It's all I am, and all I'll ever be. I go to bed, but i don't sleep. Instead I just lay there... not thinking, not feeling, just there. I wake up, don't remember sleeping, don't feel like i've slept. But i must have because i'm thinking. One thought, but not a small one. It is always on my mind, but never in my arms. Always away from me, no matter how far I reach. I'm confused, so.. so confused. How did it get this way: it must've been me. It's always me. I'm just a reason for leaving. I'm not my own type. I can never find protection even in my own thoughts. Harm. Pain. Hate. All in and for myself. I don't live anymore. I'm not here, I'm just your imagination. A made up story. I don't exist; never have. I don't have words I only have symbols and text. A book. My mind. A story without a plot, but the main character doesn't seem to care. I don't. I don't feel. I'm told that nothing matters to me. Something does, matter and reaches. I'm gone. Always away, mind insecure... but motions sure. I could do it, erase. I can't. I'm confused..... HELP ME! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM ANYMORE!!! Am I even alive? Am I stuck in a dream that makes me numb. I WANT OUT!!! I want to feel, to think beyond the box. I want to live without the silence. IT'S TOO QUIET HERE! LET ME OUT, AND GUIDE ME! I need something... just to hold. I don't know where i've gone. I'm busy, I'll just have to call back later. RAMBLES, NO PoiNT. Words and too sharp... I'm hurting. HELP! lost thoughts : current : step ahead

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